Why I'm "Salty", and Why That's Fine

Recently a friend on Facebook got engaged, then proceeded to share a photo accusing her single friends of being "salty" that she is now engaged.

Okay.

Here's the thing, engaged ladies. Please understand that someone like me, who has over one THOUSAND Facebook friends has more than one friend who got engaged sometime in the last week. In fact, I've had three COUSINS who got engaged in the last week or two. I realized tonight that my brother and I are the only two people over the age of 18 in the family who are not engaged or married. And yes - I know that my issues should not affect you. Your boyfriend shouldn't feel the need to rearrange his proposal plans just because I might get my feelings hurt.

But I have news.

Are you ready?

You shouldn't care if I'm "salty."

I know, I know, we live in this world in which women are supposed to be empowered and not find their fulfillment from relationships. We're supposed to be independent and find our happiness in further education or establishing a career. But, there are still women who dream of finding the person they're supposed to be with, the person they're supposed to share life's moments with. And I'm one of THOSE women.

I put EVERYTHING ahead of a relationship, including school and my sorority. And I don't regret that one bit. That was my choice. But when I graduated, I felt like I had missed out on a whole part of life, since I had not really pursued dating. And now, as an adult, I don't know how to even approach dating, since I've never really experienced it. Oh, how embarrassing! I guess you all know, I've not REALLY been on a date before. Yeah, I've had a coffee grab with a guy, but I've not had a dinner and a movie, get dressed up, and act giddy all day long date.

Also, when I compare my relationship status (or lack thereof) to someone, I usually do so to my parents. My mother was 18 when she got married to my dad, who was 23. I am four years past my mother's age and six months away from my dad's at the age of marriage. Throw on top of that how many friends and family members have gotten engaged recently. My outlook on relationships and engagements has changed. I used to jump up and down and freak out, but the older I get, the less exciting it is.

So yes, I'm "salty", if you HAVE to give it a name. And that's okay. Just because I didn't flood your wall with heart eyed emojis and lose my mind over how beautiful your ring is, doesn't mean I'm not happy for you. It doesn't mean that I hate you. It means that I saw your announcement and chose not to respond. The end. There's nothing extra that you need to concern yourself with.

She Wasn't My Number One, But She Was the Best for Me

With big little season approaching for my chapter, I feel as though I should give some wisdom, from alumna to new member. We all know how it works, bigs rank littles and littles rank bigs, then they're matched as best as possible. But what if you aren't matched with your number one?

Well, I was a new member once. My whole new member process was weird because four of us (in my pledge class of six) received extremely late bids. Two girls already had their bigs when we had big/little mixer. There were four active sisters taking littles. When I had received my bid, I told a girl that I had known for a few years that I wanted her to be my big, but she wasn't taking a little. However, her little was taking a little! That got me excited, BUT there was another girl that I knew outside of the sorority that I also wanted. So, after mixer I ranked the four actives. Paige (my big) was my number two choice. I wondered for a week who my big would be.

My big little reveal was amazing because we popped balloons scattered around the chapter room (we don't have houses). When I found a paper from a balloon that said that Paige was my big, I screamed and ran to her and hugged her. She was my number two, but now she was my big and none of the ranking mattered. But, why do I say she was the best for me?

After being initiated, that other girl, my number one, left school. She didn't drop her letters because she transferred schools, but she left. The girl that got her as a big decided to adopt a different big so that she would have someone there. Paige and I had four wonderful semesters together and we even graduated on the same day.

Sometimes what you WANT isn't what's BEST for you. Paige and I actually see each other at least once a week since we work in the same town. We're considering opening a business together AND I wouldn't have the most perfect twin without her. When your reveal happens, don't be disappointed if you have your number two. She may have been number two on your paper, but if you keep your mind open, she'll be number one in your heart. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and you get that big because she is what you need.

 

 

#MarchOnRome

If you HAVEN'T seen what Jim Rome tweeted about band kids, let me enlighten you. During halftime at the Rose Bowl, Jim Rome, a "sports commentator," decided that he would take to Twitter to take a shot at band students everywhere.

Let's break this down real quick. First off, I assume he's talking about college musicians. Many of which were probably receiving a scholarship (the collegiate equivalent of being paid) to play their instruments. Which would make them professionals in the performance industry. So he is referring to professional performers as 'dorks.'

 Secondly, marching band students do NOT just 'run around with their instruments.' I was in marching band for 8 years and the only reason I quit is because I graduated. Marching band is not only an art, it is a sport. As a high school marching band student, my band had 8-3:30 practices. In college we rehearsed from 8-8. In both programs I practiced every single day. I know there are programs out there that actually practice more (and less) but the fact of the matter is, people go out and take the time to perfect this craft, and saying they "run around with their instruments" is highly offensive.

Third, an adult with a high profile job should not be classifying anyone as 'cool' or asking if someone is cool or not. What is defined as cool? Who defines cool? Should Jim Rome be defining cool? I honestly can't answer any of these questions because I don't believe in cool/uncool. 

BUT HOLD THE PHONE! Jim Rome tweeted a retraction. I refuse to acknowledge this as an apology after reading a fantastic blog. 

Writing the words 'I apologize' didn't matter as soon as he added 'I do not condone bullying of any kind and that was not my intent.' But he said he apologizes! But if bullying wasn't his intent, WHAT WAS?! The blog post I linked above addressed exactly what this is, alpha dog behavior to make anyone not an athlete feel like lesser of a person. Jim Rome's initial tweet was, by definition, cyberbullying. His retraction was nothing more than a ploy to save him from being fired. Think what you may want about band students, or what you want about Jim Rome, but this is my opinion and my take on this whole situation.

A Tribute To My Little

Dear Little,

From the moment that we met

It was almost too good to be true

What could go better together

Than us -- me and you?

You've given me laughs, 

You've given me tears,

You've given me a thousand reasons to smile

Over this past year.

We've gone out and had fun

We've flirted with guys

We've broken some hearts,

Caught many eyes.

It's been fun being your big

That will never end

You're my little forever

You're pretty much my best friend.

I'll never let you go,

I'll never say goodbye,

I'll always be there for you,

Right by your side.

I'm so proud to call you my little

I'm proud of who you are.

You're going to change the world someday

You're going to go SO far!

My dearest little,

This tribute is for you

May you carry my love

In everything you do.

About the Author

Well. This probably should have been my first post, but life goes on. I'd like to introduce you to me (my first post was just introducing my blog). I feel like you all may have learned a lot about me just by reading my posts, but I'll go on and do a little introduction.

Hello, my name is Erin Harris. I am a senior business management major at Henderson State University. I have been a member of the Showband of Arkansas (specifically the color guard) for four years now. I have served as the Vice-President of Member Development and Director of Housing for Alpha Sigma Tau (Alpha Gamma) as well as a charter member of Sigma Alpha Iota (Mu Mu). I am actually graduating a semester early. I have been offered a job after graduation as a copy editor.

My dream was always to attend Henderson, but I had no intention of joining a social sorority. I found my sisters at the lowest point of my collegiate career, and here I am. Graduating a semester early with a job. That is not very common this day in age, and I know that my friends and family are very proud. I just really hope that I can be a beacon of light to others out there to follow your dreams and make them come true, no matter what happens!

An Open Letter to My Active Sisters (Since I'm An Alum)

To my remaining active sisters;

I would like to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for the laughs, the tears, and every memory we've ever made together. Some of you just recently became my sisters, but that means nothing when a semester feels like a life time. Thank you for filling me with hope for the future and letting me know that I am leaving my chapter in good hands. One day you'll be graduating and you'll know exactly what I'm feeling right now. Just remember to teach each new member class just as you've been taught (or even better) and our chapter will continue to grow in sisterhood and strength.

While I am excited to be heading out into the real world, I am also terrified. I'm scared of leaving all of this, all of you behind. What will I do on Monday nights with no chapter meetings? Or post-chapter Taco Bell? Or post-rush Taco Bell? Does Taco Bell even exist without my sisters? You've taught me so much about life and friendship and you didn't even know it. When I was down and all of the older sisters were studying for make-or-break tests, you didn't hesitate to stay by my side until I felt better (even though you were blowing off studying for English). It might have seemed like that's "what sisters are for" but you didn't have to do it. You did it because the day that we all said yes to one another, we all began teaching each other what true sisterhood is. You learned well. That's one of the reasons I have no fear about the future of this chapter. And to my little, you taught me what having a teenage daughter might be like. I think I handled it well though. Well, for the most part. You all also showed me how much I am truly capable of, and that's a lesson I'll need out in the real world. Thank you.

While you may say that us seniors are some of the reasons you are wearing these letters, you're one of the reasons I'm still wearing mine. Sorority life isn't an easy life. It's full of fun, laughter, heartache, and tears. It's a roller coaster. But at the end of the day I look at every girl that I helped recruit to the sorority and I remember that it's all worth it because I have all of you in my life. You may think that the graduating sisters changed this chapter, but all we did was bring you here. The future is up to you, and I know that all of you have the strength and ability to do it. In my time here I've seen many of you grow into stronger women (even you new initiates) and I can't wait to see you continue to grow. Every alum day I come to, every post on Facebook I see, I'll know that my chapter is okay. And whenever I have a little legacy, she'll have a chapter to come back to.

Dry your tears and I'll try to dry mine. This won't be easy, but I know you'll all be fine. You're all going to be great members of our sorority, our campus, and our society. This organization will teach you everything you need to know about the world if you let it. Whenever you graduate, I hope you feel the way I do right now. I am at peace with everything that is happening within our chapter (even though I'll totally lose it at commencement) and I am proud to be your sister and I wouldn't trade you for the world.

 

Why Should it Be a Competition?

If you haven't read this TSM article, I need you to just stop now and go read it here.

Now, if you've read that column, let's talk a little bit about what was said in it.

If you have any knowledge of Greek life, you know that college students have begun dividing the sororities into "Top Tier," "Middle Tier," and "Bottom Tier." This makes absolutely no sense, especially on a campus like mine where we have a grand total of three sororities. Obviously, one sorority would be top, one will be middle, and one will be bottom. However, I do not recognize these rankings because it is highly offensive. In my eyes, my sorority is the top sorority. In the eyes of the Alpha Xi Delta sisters, their sorority is top, the same goes for the ladies of Alpha Sigma Alpha. And why shouldn't we all think our sorority is the top sorority? We each get to see what happens behind closed doors, we get to see how strong our own sisterhood is. What is wrong is that we are letting people from outside of our sisterhoods affect how we view one another as sisters.

Greek men and women are often subjected to higher standards and expectations when it comes to friendships and how they work together. No one gets on a website and rates the marching band on how they work together and talk about one another. (At my school the band is like one huge family.) Why don't they do that? I'm not sure. Part two? I don't care. We view sororities completely different from an organization like the marching band, SGA, or SAB. No other organizations on campus feel as though they should be competing with one another, so why should the sororities feel like they have to fight and compete? We shouldn't.

I have so many friends in Alpha Xi Delta and Alpha Sigma Alpha, it's not even funny. I love these ladies so much. While we don't share letters, we share a love for being a part of something larger than just ourselves. We have devoted ourselves to serving our respective charities as well as our communities. The bottom line is we are all strong women who have dreams and are going to chase them. And we're going to do it with our sisters by our side. One of the older sisters in my sororities coined the phrase "Panhellinic sisters" within our chapter. I will definitely have my AST sisters as well as my panhel sisters by my side for the rest of my life. There is no need for competition among friends.

We as sisters (and panhellinic sisters) should come together to disbar the "tiers" that we are being divided in to. EVERY member of EVERY sorority has something to offer this world. What you look like or what letters you wear do not define your devotion to service or success, so why does it matter what sorority you join? Obviously, if you don't make a connection with the sisters don't join that sorority. But if you connect and then turn down a bid because it's a "bottom tier" sorority, you are viewing sororities all wrong.

         

AST loves ASA                              AST loves AXD