Bullies Make Me Sick.

Recently I was speaking with one of my Twitter followers when the subject turned to my job and what I my future holds in said job. For those of you who don't know, I am working on getting my Bachelors of Business Administration - Management. I told this follower that I was boring. He asked me why I was pursuing business if I thought it was boring. My response was "I was born to be boring." Then he said something that referred to my self-confidence, or lack thereof. This got me to thinking.

I have been bullied and pushed around so much in my life that I don't believe in myself. I never refer to something that I WILL do. I always use "if" statements in every little thing I do. Example: Normal girls will say "When I get married my colors will be navy and pink." I say "If I can ever trick a guy into marrying me, I might have navy and pink as my colors." Of course, I can't MAKE somebody marry me, so that's not a very good example. Even though I'm a senior, I have doubts in myself about graduating. I don't have faith in myself to finish my degree. Why is this?

I'll hit the biggest land mark bullying moments. I guess we can pretty much chalk up the beginning of the bully days to the traditional "four eyes" bit every kid has done to that one kid with geeky glasses. And of course I can't find any pictures on Facebook of me in those geeky glasses. Probably because my dad knows how sensitive I am about that time in my life. I didn't get contacts until I was 12 or 13, so four eyes kind of stuck for a while.

There were other things that were constantly said to me. Like "you can't shop at Limited Too because only popular girls shop there." Of course, I was the "teacher's pet." If you can name any stereotypical bullying tactics, they were probably used on me.

In a previous post I mentioned that I have been wearing a size D since the 7th grade. Obviously, I developed a lot quicker than my classmates. One of the biggest bullying moments in my life happened in the sixth grade. I was wearing a C at that time. Kids would make circles around me in PE and at recess and make me hold my bra out from my shirt and jump up and down to prove I wasn't stuffing my bra. But that didn't stop them from walking past me, fake sneezing, then asking for a tissue. That was the first time I remember kids actually ganging up on me. Most things were kind of on an individual level.

Of course all through junior high the kids hung on to the bra thing along with the fact that I was so desperate to have a boyfriend I had a crush on every guy that took a breath in my presence. Which caused for the kids to tease me because I was "crazy." I was a nerd because I did my homework and made good grades... It was the same stuff I saw on TV, but I didn't have adults writing me witty lines to make the kids leave me alone. Unfortunately.

When I was in high school everything died down until my junior year. That was not only the year of me being called a racist (which was COMPLETELY unjustified and uncalled for), but it was also the year I gained the nicknames Wolverine and Hugh Jackman. Now, I am SUPER sensitive about what I am about to divulge, however I think it is important for people to know when getting to know me. I was diagnosed in December of 2012 with a disorder that causes my body to produce more testosterone than it is supposed to. More than likely this is genetic, there's nothing I could have done to prevent it. When I was about 16 it became more prevalent when a few strands of darker hair grew onto my face. After ONE guy pointed it out, I went home and shaved my face. Well, we all know what happens when you shave. The hair grows back darker, stiffer, and thicker. I still fight it to this day. Of course, from that point on I was dubbed as Wolverine or Hugh Jackman until the day I graduated.

And for those of you thinking "Oh no, how terrible!" yes, it WAS terrible. Along with all of that I lost all of my friends right at the end of my senior year, again at the end of my first year of college. You wonder why I have no self-confidence. It doesn't help that no one takes me seriously because I'm not a size 0, but that's beside the point. I've already written about that.

I guess to sum up every thing I'm saying (and why I said everything above) I want to say if you're bullying someone or if you've ever bullied someone, apologize. It is estimated that about 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students (National Education Association). "Bully free zones" don't seem so bully free now do they? A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying. 

"Bullying can often do long-lasting damage to a person's self esteem. Without being able to resolve some of these emotional issues, your child is at risk of becoming a bully themselves or might project the lingering feelings of rejection and hurt onto themselves. Children and teens who do this often will face struggles with eating disorders, cutting, burning and other forms of self mutilation. In the most severe cases, teens may not be able to handle the bullying, or may not be able to cope with the after effects of bullying and instead will resort to drastic measures like suicide to escape their pain." - http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/bullying-victims.html

I guess I just don't understand why with all of the statistics and information we have why people would continually do and say things that would make somebody want to hurt themselves. Now, before anyone tries to report me and say that I'm suicidal or that I'm hurting myself, I can guarantee you I'm not. I just have extremely low self esteem. The next time you feel the need to say something to someone that you KNOW will make them feel like less of a person, just don't say it. And if you know someone who is being bullied or who has been bullied, please watch over them carefully. I'm so sick of seeing stories of kids killing themselves because of bullies. It makes me sick. Bullies make me sick.

Dear Society, I'm Beautiful And I Don't Need Your Approval.

My university's beauty pageant is 2 weeks away and I'm pretty sure I am the only competitor that weighs over 150 pounds. I actually have no clue who the woman on the left is. She's gorgeous, I'm not going to lie. She's thin, blonde, she PROBABLY has blue eyes... She's what our society would probably consider "perfect." That's me on the right competing in last year's pageant. I am actually really proud of who I am. Yes, I would love to be her size so that I could actually shop for clothes and they would fit me correctly and maybe a guy would actually want to get to know me, but unfortunately I am not that thin and I will more than likely be about this size forever.

I will never have a thigh gap, my legs are WAY too muscular for that. My arms will never be thin thanks to my days of weightlifting and color guard spinning. I have more muscle than fat on my mid-section, yet I'll never feel comfortable in a bikini. But why is that? It's because our society has taught women that if they don't look like the girl on the left they aren't beautiful. They're just average. Well, I have news for you. Us average girls out number those that society considers perfect.

As much as I love beauty pageants, they have propelled the image of perfection. I can remember growing up and Miss Arkansas would come visit our elementary school or emcee our Miss Land O Lights pageant. She was always so thin, but so perfect. I hated myself because I didn't look like her. My teeth were small, not huge and perfectly white like hers. I was a brunette with brown eyes and super dark skin, not the blue eyed blonde that everyone loved... And I hated the way I looked.

Looking back now I realize that it was pretty dumb to hate myself for things I couldn't really change. I mean, with my skin tone, blonde hair would just look weird so hair dye was out of the question. But why can't an average girl be the next Miss Arkansas? Why can't an average girl be the next Miss America? Miss USA? Why? Because at the end of the day society still wants to see the perfect girls lifted up onto a pedestal. Society tells me that because I don't weigh 120 (the BMI weight that correlates with my height) I am a lazy, obese slob.

Well, society. I am in a sorority and sorority colony. I am one of the founders of a music sorority colony on my campus, I am the Vice-President of Member Development for my other. I am a member of the marching and concert bands, I am a member of my campus' MBSF. I workout whenever I find a spare minute in my week between classes and meetings. I maintain a GPA above a 3.0, teach Sunday school and I work. Still think I'm lazy? So what, I weigh above what the BMI tells me I should? The BMI doesn't take in to account my muscle mass, the fact that I have worn a D since the 7th grade, or the actual activity I do. No, if you're 5' 4" and weigh over 120 pounds they send a letter to your parents saying "You're child is obese and is at risk of blah blah blah."

So, why can't I win my university's pageant? Why can't I win Miss Arkansas? Why can't any girl who is just like me win? I'll let you know when I finally get the answers.

Ring By Spring

Surely we've all heard the term "ring by spring" and with my final spring semester in college beginning I would like to write a little ode to this dear old term. Every sorority girl knows it, and there is a certain school that I know of that even their instructors encourage them to get that ring. However, I have something to say about this.

I did NOT come to college to get my MRS. Yes, I would like to have a (and this is going to sound so old fashioned) steady boyfriend by the time I graduate college. It doesn't look like that will happen, but whatever. I am way too young to be thinking about getting married. Yes, I have my wedding already planned thanks to Pinterest. I have all of my bridesmaids picked out thanks to my sorority, but I don't need a man to define my life.

Chris Crocker inspired me when I was younger with his video on codependency. (S)He talked all about how men and women who constantly have to be dating someone are not cute or classy. I agree. Desperation doesn't make you any more attractive and by dating someone new every 2 weeks, you're annoying all of your friends. But also, talking constantly about your boyfriend/fiancee is annoying everyone as well.

I will compare two of my friends. One of my sisters is engaged and has been with her fiancee for YEARS. They will be getting married next year I believe. She doesn't #mcm her fiancee every freaking Monday. She doesn't put selfies up saying "OHEMGEE I love him sooooo much!!!!" She doesn't post statuses telling us all how wonderful he is because he brought her chocolate and a teddy bear. Want to know why? Because she's not a child. My other friend started dating her boyfriend about 2 weeks after "the love of her life" dumped her. Every Monday she either Instagrams pictures of her boyfriend or of the two of them with a giant #MCM slapped all over the caption. She will randomly (on a daily basis) say "I love him soooo much!!!" Pretty much the complete opposite. I don't think she actually loves him, she loves the idea of having a boyfriend. And that's sad. And childish.

I guess it all boils down to the fact that being in a relationship should not be the only thing you focus on in your life. There's more to life than being in a relationship. I have so many things I want to do before I get married. Graduate college, open my business, travel, etc. Why would I tie myself down so early in life? I watched my parents do it (my mom got married at 18 and never went to college) and their lives have been pretty tough with not having college degrees. So, why do I still feel inferior to other women that have boyfriends/fiancees/husbands? Because deep down, all women want is to be appreciated by someone other than their family members.

The Things You Wish You Could Say [To The Ones That Broke You]

So, obvi I'm a girl so this one is gonna be really girly. Get over it. Ladies, most of us have had at least one group of friends who completely betrayed and broke us. And that's fine. It's completely normal because people suck. Sometimes it feels like those people got the final word, but if you had the opportunity to say one last thing to those people? Well here is a collection of the things I have found bring me peace when thinking of those people that I have politely kicked out of my life.

Thank You.

No, seriously, THANK YOU. Now, there are two reasons I am thanking you. Number one, after you broke me and I got my life put back together, I am a MUCH stronger individual. Yeah, I have fewer "friends" but I am completely fine with starting over. I will get it right eventually and you have opened my eyes to who will be there for me and who won't. So, thanks.

Number two, I want to thank you for giving me a reason to get someone out of my life that I didn't need. More than likely if you did this to me, it has been building up for months or years. You have probably been making my life awful for quite some time but I am way too nice of a person to just sell someone out. But now you've given me a reason to excuse you from my life. Thank you so much!!!!

Good Luck.

We were really good friends because you knew at the end of the day, no matter how you treated me, I would be there for you and help you in almost any way possible. Do you know how hard that is to find in a person this day in age? It's 2014, if you need someone to pick you up between the hours of 12 AM and 9 AM, it'll be a miracle. Good luck finding that free taxi that would drive you wherever your little heart desired. More gas money for me.

Sorry, Not Sorry.

I don't mean this in a sarcastic way. I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you go from being my best friend to my worst enemy in less than 24 hours, but I really don't think it was my fault. Plus, if this is my first time to piss you off, can we please talk about all the times I've sat in my room crying because you felt the need to make me feel so small and insignificant? It's the whole speck-mote thing you learn about in Sunday School. You're too busy looking at me and saying "Whoa, she screwed up!" to sit down and think "What have I done to make her act this way?!" So, I'm sorry I screwed up, but it happens to the best of them.

Seriously?

[Insert derogatory names here]. I really don't think I need to explain this one. Just, seriously?!


So the next time someone decides that you're not good enough to be in their inner circle of friends, just remember that sometimes it's a good thing that you don't have to take care of their dumb selves anymore. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the train wreck their life becomes trying to live it without you!!!!

We All Know THAT Girl

We always tell girls to not be "that girl," but how do you recognize THAT girl??? She comes across during rush. She's simply "that girl." The girl that we all look at and say "Bless her heart." She's not stupid, she just doesn't make the best decisions. She's not annoying, she can just frustrate you at times. There are many "that girl" moments, but here is a collection of some of the best I have come across.

Me+Him=4ever

This probably has to be my favorite. It's the girl who shows up to school and the very first guy she meets is THE ONE. She spends every waking moment with him, texting him, and when she's not awake, they're cuddled up sleeping in her bed annoying the crap out of her roommate(s). She swears they'll be together forever. She celebrates anniversaries every week. Every Monday without missing a beat her Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram are covered with pictures of her "perfect boyfriend" that she loves sooooooooo much with a nice bold #MCM next to the caption. Honey, we all know he's your boyfriend. You don't have to mcm him every week. It should go without saying that he's your mcm...

Tatted Up

I'm not condemning tattoos. Don't start on that stuff. I personally don't find them attractive, but whatever. This girl will have the absolute DUMBEST tattoos. There's the girl that gets her Justin Bieber tattoo because "one day he'll see me on Twitter and we'll fall in love and get married." Honey, I have news for you. If it didn't happen for me and Nick Carter, it won't happen. The girl that gets her boyfriend of 2 weeks tattooed on her shoulder inside of a heart... The list goes on. Most of these dumb tattoos have to do with men... If you can call JB a man...

Turnt Up

Come on, we've either seen her or been her. Every Facebook picture has some bottle of alcohol in it. Every Thursday is "thirsty Thursday" like it's some sort of holiday. She feels the need to inform everyone of her *cough* extracurricular activities.

It's late, so I'll go on and publish this. I promise I will add more tomorrow and write another post. I feel as though I've short-changed my readers today. Thanks for reading!!!!

The Reasons I'm REALLY Late

So, I'm sure we've all been late for a class. And I'm sure we've all had an excuse. Mine have ranged from "I got sick when I didn't eat with this medicine that I had to take" to "My suitemate and her boyfriend were having a full on physical fight outside of my door." But today I had some legitimate things happen that happened causing me to be late almost late for my only class today. So, without further adieu, here are the reasons I was almost late to class today that are totally legit and should be 100% excused.

1. Even though this was my only class and it's 1:00 in the afternoon, I can and did oversleep. It is possible. Don't judge me.

2. And because I overslept, I didn't get to eat lunch. So I had to rummage for food so my stomach wouldn't make the most ungodly noises. You're welcome.

3. And since I woke up late, I rushed around getting up and dressed. I forgot my notebook and I went back for it. Once again, you're welcome.

4. I swear, my dorm has the slowest freaking elevator in the world.

5. ...and there was a girl holding the elevator for her friend who was still getting ready. rude.

6. That bridge that the school widened? Yeah, that only made these dumb girls think that they could walk beside each other and block my way when they're walking slower... than... death...

7. This campus is really small. Every five seconds I get stopped by fellow students, faculty, and staff members. They want to ask how every little thing in the world is going and how I'm feeling... I have places to go and things to do!!!

8. I took the stairs to get to our classroom. I'm out of shape. Let's not talk about. Once again, don't judge me.

Sometimes it's better to tell the truth and usually when I'm late to class it is because of one of the above reasons (or any combination of the 8). Today I had all 8 happen. Oh, the joys of attending a small college.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!!!

And by year I mean semester. It's recruitment time once more. Again, we will see many girls attend our open recruitment parties as Alpha Sigma Tau hopefuls and I honestly can't wait! I was recruited during spring CORs! I feel as though I may be able to relate to these women who decided to wait a little bit before joining a sorority!!! There's nothing wrong with it, and it makes you special like my beautiful pledge class!!!

There's all six of us during one of the nights of rush!!!! PC Spring 13!!!! We are so cute:)

Anyways, this time of the semester is crazy and hectic as we try to make the best perfect impression on these young women who are looking for sisterhood. At the same time we are trying to strengthen our relationships with other Greek organizations on campus, one another, our community, and keep our grades up. It seems impossible, but somehow every year Greeks all over the nation maintain a high average GPA than the typical college student. Why? Because we have to. If all of the other stuff means so much to us, we have to have the GPA to stay active. My dad always tries to warn me to not get in over my head too much with my two sororities, academic fraternity, and band, but it all pushes my harder and makes me strive to be a better student.

I love proving people wrong. Whenever someone tells me there's something I can't do, I sit down and figure out a way to do it. That's exactly what I've done with being Greek. If anyone is reading this and is considering going Greek, I'm more than happy to talk with you! No matter what school you go to, I'll answer all of your questions to the best of my ability!!!

Tweet me: @erinnicholeh and use the hashtag #GoGreekNow

xoxo Love you all!

Pay For My Friends? NEVER! Well, Actually...

Okay, sooooo here it goes.

To all you people who claim that sorority girls "pay for their friends" and that's the only reason they have any, I have news for you.

No, we don't.

If you look at the budget for my sorority, NOWHERE on it does it say "friendship fee." Yeah, no. But wait, I have even BIGGER news for you.

I was paying for my friends BEFORE I joined a sorority.

That's right. I was buying people long before I had my Alpha Sigma Tau letters plastered on every single shirt, all over my wall, on my notebooks, etc. If I wanted someone to like me, I knew all I had to do was pick up a little something here or there that I knew they liked and they would love me until they wanted something else.

I pay $60 every fall to be in the marching band. Am I paying for friends there? No, I'm paying for a shirt, a hat, my color guard instructor's paycheck, etc. But because in marching band we don't refer to each other as "sisters" no one has ever accused marching band members of paying for their friends. However, I have gone the extra mile... I don't just pay for the band fee. (Well, my PARENTS don't just pay for the band fee.)

Every weekend my mother brings boxes of cookies to football games. Why? It was a tradition I started a LONG time ago and it was just for one game with one section of the band. But the word spread and when I brought cookies to everyone, I was the best person in the world. What I'm trying to say is, everyone can be bought. Whether it's with money or cookies or whatever you're willing to give up.

But here's the crazy thing. I would much rather be paying the dues for my sorority and being with the people I love and that love me for who I am than be buying little trinkets here and there for people who don't actually like me. Of course I realize that not everyone in my sorority likes me (I'm not dumb), but they don't treat me badly because they don't like me. I'm not expendable to them. They may not like me, but they respect me. Which is much more than I can say for some other people that I have had in my life. They didn't like me or respect me and I still tried to buy their friendship because I was naive. 

So for everyone who has ever said that a sorority girl is just paying for her friends, I want you to really think long and hard. Everything is not black and white like you want it to be. And don't justify your lack of friends with being "too proud" to buy them. It's not classy and it's not cute. kthanksbye.

13 Things Greeks at Liberal Arts Colleges Will Relate To

So, I follow Catie Warren on twitter (she writes for TFM under the name From Rush to Rehab) and through some twists and turns on the internet I came across this beautifully written, totally relate-able blog post. 47 Things Greeks at Liberal Arts Colleges Will Relate To (http://totalfratmove.com/47-things-greeks-at-liberal-arts-colleges-will-relate-to/). While I love the article and can relate to most of it, I would like to make some additions, if you don't mind:)

1. You have a ton of Greek service organizations.

2.Speaking of Greek service organizations, it's not odd for you to be in one of them or an academic Greek organization. 

3.Your school offers money to the student organization with the most people in attendance at certain sporting functions *cough*basketball games*cough*. The recipient is typically a Greek organization.

4. The president of the university sends your chapter's twitter shoutouts and words of encouragement.

5. Greek week is a super big deal, yet somehow the same sorority/fraternity combo win the overall competition every year.

6. Your sorority sisters would rather have a Harry Potter movie marathon than go out and party.

7. Speaking of parties, your school has a ton of rules about party, including a party curfew and forms that must be filed to hold one.

8. The cap on your number of members is somewhere around 50.

9. Your biggest pledge class had 12 pledges.

10. You have essentially doubled your chapter in one semester.

11. Most of the advisers are alumni of your chapter that graduated in the last 5 years.

12. Your sorority has one guy that they keep up with everything he does in his life. (My chapter's guy was on The Voice and will be on this season of American Idol.)

13. Your original opinion about Greek life was that it was exactly how Hollywood portrayed it. Never in your life would you join a sorority/fraternity. Ever. Yet here you are.